Good Knight, Princess

I really like my suit of steel,
For it makes me feel quite knightly.
But wearing the thing just makes me feel
That chivalry’s not to be taken lightly.

Once upon a royal errand, the noblest of quests,
I chanced upon a blondish damsel, fair, yet quite distressed.

She was chained to the top of the tallest tower,
Surrounded by the widest moat,
All by her lonesome, hour after hour,
Her only company a bloodthirsty goat.
“Forsooth,” I spake with my manliest voice, with all the sympathy I could muster,
“We hast chanced upon an authentic knight, so with confidence it can trust her.”
“Oh, no, no, you silly lump,” the damsel cruelly teased.
“I could not be rescued by such as thee, thou grammarly-diseased!”
“Alas!” I cried. “Alack, fairest one! He graspeth not its meaning!
“Why thinkest their speech so offensively ill, and with such errors teeming?”
“Well, Sir Knight, I’ll stay with the Goat, thou Clumsiest of Speech,
“Rathan be rescued by an unclever oaf, to whom pronouns I’d have to teach.”
“Well, then,” I said, quite disenchanted now, “Have it our way, silly.”
Next I jumped off the tower, swam across the moat, and left Miss Clever with Billy.

I then returned home to my humble castle,
And after feasting, to bed alighted.
As I lay there I realized my endless hassle,
Had I, for Princess Grammaria, fighted.

Sir Dallahad

“Intolerance of ambiguity is the mark of an authoritarian personality.”
Theodor W. Adorno